


Death and His Brother Sleep

by hunnybuns



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Mental Health problems, Panic Attacks, attempted suicide, drug mention, first year mao, lots of blood, needle mention, second year Ritsu, they get pizza, wataru is there for like a second, well it's ritsu's first second year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:28:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9533771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunnybuns/pseuds/hunnybuns
Summary: It’s not like Ritsu ever thought being a vampire would make his life easier, hell, before his brother and him were turned, he had never thought about vampires as anything other than fairy tale. He certainly never expected that his own personal shortcomings, his own self worth, his own self loathing, to be amplified so much by the change.





	

The hardest part of his second year of High School was when Ritsu came home and his brother was gone.  
His mother had plenty of bullshit excuses ready for him; about how his older brother   
‘needed the experience of being abroad.’ She said things like “He will never learn the ways of the real world if he never gets out there in it!” She even tried to feed him some stupid line about how it was “for his music, of course!”  
He could see through her lies as if looking through glass. She and their father had sent him away without even giving him a mailing address, to keep him away from Ritsu.   
Ritsu had been sick, not with the flu or anything so mundane, but with a disease much more feral. The tameless hunger that wracked through his veins every second of the day was wearing him down in every sense of the word. He fought and fought as he refused to give into the inhuman thirst that plagued him and his older brother both. They fed rarely and carefully, not wanting to destroy more human lives than necessary to sustain their own.  
The result: looking and feeling like an ethereal corpse.   
The two brothers tried their best to maintain normal lives, but it was so much harder to get up and go to school when the sunlight drained the life out of them like a sieve. They were constantly exhausted, both looking pale and sick on any given day and feeling twice as bad. The number of times that either of them got caught sleeping in class or during breaks, sometimes even at unit rehearsals, was easily tripled.The only thing that helped was blood. Unfortunately, the chance of them feeding on humans without killing them was minuscule at best. They were still young, neither of them could control it enough to stop without using extreme restraint. Fortunately, thanks to an acquaintance of Rei’s, they were able to acquire blood in other ways. They lived close enough to the hospital that stealing a bag or two of blood at a time was easier than expected. This method wasn’t exactly the best for keeping the two of them in good health, but at least they wouldn’t starve to death. Drinking the bagged blood wasn’t even close to the same as drinking live human blood, but it was enough to keep them alive. Even if that meant constant fluctuations in mood and energy levels that were usually for the worst.   
Eventually even their parents, who due to work were rarely home at all, noticed. Their father just attributed Ritsu’s exhaustion to working too hard as an Idol and his modeling career. They blamed Rei’s friend group and his staying away from home to work on his music for his physical dilapidation, but were much more vocal about how he was being a terrible role model than they were about being disappointed in Ritsu. Their mother used every chance she got to berate Rei for his bad behavior and to tell him that he was being the worst older brother, sometimes even blaming him for Ritsu’s matching condition. Their father honestly wasn’t any better, sometimes actually more harsh and belittling when he felt that the message wasn’t getting through. It was absolute bullshit.   
Their parents just didn't understand.   
They couldn't have, They didn’t know anything to the contrary. They hadn’t been there that night, when Ritsu had been forced to watch as Rei had been attacked, battered, raped, and then turned, right in front of him. They weren’t there to watch Rei’s throat be slit and completely drained of blood, before he was force-fed liquid life from their debauched assailant's wrist. Or when Ritsu had almost died for good by the same hand for struggling, fighting to save his older brother, before Rei turned him too in an act of selfish desperation. Rei couldn’t lose his younger brother, the light of his life who was like his other half, even at the expense of hating himself for subjecting his most precious person to the hell of an existence that was forced upon him.   
Ritsu tried telling them, though, despite his better judgement. After months of hiding it and trying to avoid their parents by virtue of not-killing-them-in-cold-blood, they finally noticed that their youngest son’s condition had hit a major low. On the worst possible night for an emotional breakdown, they cornered him in his bedroom. Usually when they came around asking questions for any reason, and not taking no for an answer, Rei was there to save him. He was always the smooth talker of the two of them, and their parents had little reason to doubt their eldest child. That night though, Rei was out. Again. He hadn't said where, but Ritsu could assume that he was with his stupid school friends, or something like that, when his parents finally caught up to him, unrelentless in their questioning. He was exhausted both mentally and physically from the sunlight that he endured as he tried to go to class, and from fighting the hunger pangs with everything he had, and he just broke down. He was worried he would hurt one of them for making him mad, but instead his panic manifested itself as a panic attack, which as it turns out was worse. It struck him hard and fast and before he could escape on his own two legs, he was choking on sobs and unloading everything that had plagued his mind to his parents. He told them about how lonely he was feeling, and how hopeless and suffocating his world was becoming, and he told them that him and Rei were vampires.   
He honestly had no idea what to expect from his parents at his Big Reveal, but their blank stares and worried looks didn’t have nearly the level of fear in them that he had anticipated. They didn't look afraid of him, just concerned. He thought that maybe they needed time to process or something, but when they came to him the next day with an appointment for a psychotherapist and the numbers of several neurologists and psychologists, he understood that they didn't believe him. They just thought that it was a psychotic break caused by the stress of being an idol and a model and a student. They just thought he was insane.   
That whole month was the worst. He found routine in declining his parents and their many, repetitive attempts to get him to seek professional help. Every day, his mother would wake him up gently (no easy task, she hadn’t even tried since the time that Ritsu was about five) and make him breakfast, all the while telling him again and again which doctor he would be seeing that day. She would talk his ear off about it until Mao finally picked him up to go to school. During this time Ritsu had the best attendance of his life, even before The Change. Mao kept telling him how proud he was that he was actually motivated to go to school. Lying to Mao about his motivations felt disgusting and Ritsu hated it, but he put on the most cheerful face he could manage, sometimes managing real expressions even. Phrases like “psychotic break” and “Clinical Depression” were being thrown around like they were going out of style by their parents, Ritsu didn’t think he would be able to take them from Mao.  
When Rei found out what Ritsu had done, he hadn’t yelled like Ritsu had expected him to do. Instead he wrapped his little brother up in a blanket and rocked him, shushing his apologies and whispering words of support and comfort. He’d held Ritsu like that until he fell asleep in his lap and he didn’t hesitate to offer as much comfort as he could muster for the younger boy. Ritsu wanted him to be angry, to hate him for telling their secret. The one thing that was theirs. Ritsu hated himself for telling, Rei had obviously been right about everything. He was surprised their parent’s hadn’t sent either of them away in straight jackets. Where their parents were concerned for Ritsu, they didn’t hide how angry they were at Rei for filling Ritsu’s head with fantasies and for ‘causing his mental break.’ Rei had taken it with a grain of salt, telling their parents that he had gone too overboard with his storytelling and that he would make things right. He did anything he could to placate their parents, anything to protect Ritsu from their judgement.   
The worst day of the worst week, was the night before they sent Rei away. Ritsu had walked to the kitchen for some water, trying to quell his thirst in any way he could think of without hurting anyone, as futile as that may be, when he heard them.  
“I really do think this is the best possible option, he has been filling Ritsu’s head with the craziest things. But can we really send our son away?” his mother’s voice was soft and somewhat hesitant, but it echoed enough that he could have heard the conversation with full clarity even without his exceptional, inhuman hearing..   
“He’s driven him insane is what he’s done! Get him out of the house, he is going whether he wants to or not. Tomorrow morning he will be out. Harden your heart, his plane ticket is already booked. He isn’t to step foot into this house until that delinquent brat has earned the name Sakuma again.”  
His father’s words were like a knife to the gut. Ritsu felt like someone had injected dry ice directly into his veins. His chest felt like it was learning to alchemize itself into stone. Rei still wasn’t home, he wasn’t answering his phone so he couldn't warn him to run away. To get out before he was ripped from Ritsu’s side, just because Ritsu couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. He was devastated, feeling the panic rise in his chest, and his vision starting to blur. He had half a mind to walk into that kitchen and rip his parents throats out with his bare hands for even suggesting that Rei couldn't be in his life when he needed him the most. The room spun around him in an instant, so he went to the only place he could find comfort- Rei’s bed. He didn’t know what to do, so he did the only thing he knew and went to sleep immediately, thankful for the comfort that surrounded him as he nestled himself into Rei’s blankets. When he awoke he was sure that everything he’d heard was just a dream, his parents would never stoop so low as to send their eldest son out of the country. He got out of his brother’s bed- obviously he had stayed the night at a friends. It wouldn’t have been the first time. He went to school, he tried not to think about the nightmare, telling himself that his brother was supposed to be home tonight. He didn’t have school stuff to do, and he usually saved this day for Ritsu. It was their day, he had to be home. Until he got to his home, and Rei was still gone. His parent’s had cleaned out his room while Ritsu was at school. His music, his clothes, all gone. It looked like a guest room, not somewhere where someone lived every day. Like a staged area, pretending to be the room it once was but with a distinct feeling of forced normalcy that made Ritsu sick to his stomach. The sterility of the space, Rei’s space, crashed into him like a ton of bricks. He couldn’t stop the wave of nausea. He wished it was the sea, coming up to drown him from the inside. He would rather choke on his tears than waste them on his eyes.  
He knew, he wasn’t an idiot, that it was his fault. Rei told him never to tell anyone, even their parents, about what they were. What they had become.   
He’d said no one would understand.  
Before this most major of fuck ups he hadn't thought that would be that hard to keep from their parents; they turned a blind eye to almost everything. Their parents were around, and they cared, but they had never been a reliable source of warmth or comfort for either brother. Ritsu and Rei had both missed a huge chunk of school after they were turned, but their parents didn’t so much as comment. Ritsu was pretty sure his mom just threw away any of the letters the school sent them about her sons’ and their horrendous attendance. They had never even seen either of them perform, and the only comments about their musical talents were to complain about the noise. Honestly Rei was more of a parent, as far as emotional support goes, than their mother and father were on most days, not that Ritsu would ever tell him as much.   
Ritsu had known from the beginning that the hardest thing he would have to do would be not telling Mao.   
Isara Mao. Maakun… his only real friend, who had been there for him since his first year of middle school. He was like a bright sun in his dark sky, but instead of burning him up from the inside out, drying his cells and draining him like anyone else would, Mao was a shot of adrenaline to his veins. Nothing was as invigorating as Mao’s presence, and nothing and no one, other than Rei, ever made him feel like he was truly safe. Whenever Rei wasn’t around, Mao usually was. However, as much as Mao was there to support him, Ritsu couldn't bring himself to talk about the things that truly troubled his heart unless it got really, really bad.   
No matter how much Mao insisted that “Riiitchan, it’s really okay if you talk to me you know? I’m your best friend, I’m always ALWAYS here for you!” he still had a hard time telling him anything that might even slightly dim the radiating light that Mao carried with him. The thought of hurting Mao, of pushing him away, of losing him too, was enough to make him sick. He wished sometimes that he could tell him what was going on, that he was a bloodthirsty demon struggling to not let monsters consume him inside, just as he didn't want to become one outside too. He even considered for a moment trying to tell him; he’d even made plans to do it. That was before Rei was sent away.   
Rei had tried helping too, before. Of course he’d noticed, he seemed to notice anything and everything if it had to do with Ritsu. No amount of “Riiitsuuuuu, Ritsu my cute brother, I hate it when you’re sad! Tell Oniichan what’s bothering you!! Ritsuuuu pleaaasee!” would sway him. He knew that if Rei knew how much he missed having his company after school now that he was in highschool, how alone he felt even though they went to the same school again finally, he would completely blame himself. On the off chance that he did confide in his brother, it was only because he was either desperate, in the middle of breaking down, or both.  
Preceding Rei’s departure, Ritsu’s depression had gotten to a low, but was still almost manageable for him on his own. Afterwards however, It got to the point where the “really,really bad” times happened enough that he just started skipping school altogether some days, locking himself in his room and telling Mao he was really sick, if only so that he couldn't see how badly he was hurting. His mind had built its home in the abyss of his darkest thoughts. He didn't care about how much Mao wanted him to confide in him, he refused to shove anything he was feeling, the gross icky feelings that made his brain and his heart feel like they were decaying, on to his most precious person.   
It’s not like Ritsu would have said anything to Rei either if he could, even before he was sent away. Rei had enough to deal with on his own, with the Student Council, and their parents, and getting through his third year at Yumenosaki High School, and especially his shitty friends that he insisted on keeping around.   
He didn’t even like talking about his interpersonal relationships with Rei. That was more because Rei was too damn nosy, though. He had enough to be depressed about without Rei saying things like “You know, with how much time you spend with that Isara kid, it's a wonder he hasn’t realized that you're in love with him yet. Oh wait, that’s right! The idiot is straight.”  
Ritsu thought back to how he’d said stuff like that all the time about the feelings he had for Mao that he couldn’t ever hide from his brother, and how it made Ritsu blush every single time he brought it up. Honestly, he was pretty sure that Rei did it because it was a foolproof way of getting him to lose his composure completely.  
“Aww Ritsuuuu! I was kidding...sort of!.. Not at all. But the faces you make when you don’t wanna admit something so obvious are the most adorable!” Ritsu just rolled his eyes, trying to look nonchalant.   
“Shut up Oniichan, you don’t know what you’re talking about…” He lied. Again.  
“Ritsu, if you won’t admit after all these years that you’re heads over heels for that boy, i'm talking some serious soul mate devotion type shit, I will call him right now and tell him FOR you.” At that Rei had stolen Ritsu’s phone before he could react and opened it to the last conversation that he’d had with Mao over line, finger hovering above the ‘call’ button. How he always figured out Ritsu’s passcode was beyond him.  
Ritsu frantically launched himself at Rei without hesitation, desperately struggling to get his phone back from this devient.   
“Rei stoooop that's way too mean! Stop doing what I would do, its so unfair!!!” Ritsu whined loudly, but Rei just held his phone far above his head and out of reach.  
“Fine! Fine, I’m super in love with my best friend and he is perfect and hard working and probably the most handsome boy that I’ve ever seen and he takes the best care of me and I want to kiss his stupid face every time I see it and he would make the best wife ever now will you give me my phone back PLEASE!” Ritsu said all at once, words turning into more of a stream of mush than an actual articulate sentence. His face was so hot that he thought it might melt off at any second, along with his dignity.   
By the time Ritsu finished with a huff Rei was caught between cackling (more like wheezing) at how cute Ritsu was when he was flustered, and being proud of his baby brother for finally saying out loud what he had known for years. He handed him his phone back and sat back down on the couch, slinging an arm over the side.   
“I’m so proud! All it took was mild threatening to get you to admit that you, what was it? ‘Want mao to be your wife?’” Rei looked entirely too smug about this, and Ritsu’s face just refused to stop being on fire.   
“Ughhhh Oniichan is the actual worst!” he threw his head back dramatically against the arm of the couch and shoved his feet into Rei’s lap. He took one breath to try and steady the nerves that had built up over the years about this very sensitive and personal topic, one that he didn't even like thinking about. What if Mao had telepathy, you know? If his thoughts betrayed him and Mao left because he was too weirded out… Ritsu would rather die.   
“Plus, It doesn’t even matter how I feel… It’s not like I can even tell him. Like, ever..”   
Saying it out loud just made his heart ache more. This was the worst. Love was stupid and he wanted nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, Love didn’t care what he thought.   
“Unfortunately, you’re probably right.” The part about him being straight was the one part that wasn’t a joke. “I hope he’s not of course. Straight I mean, Ritsu needs to get laid.”   
He punctuated that with a wink and Ritsu immediately shoved a pillow into Rei’s face so hard that his neck would have broken if he wasn’t a super strong, super stupid, super IRRITATING, GROSS VAMPIRE! 

Ritsu laid curled up in his bed, thinking about conversations like these constantly for weeks after Rei was gone. Ones where his brother was there to care about him, and tease him, and make him smile when he felt like shit. He felt too bad to risk talking to Mao, and tainting that smile that felt like the only warmth he had left. At first he’d thought that thinking about things like this would make the loneliness easier. That it would make it seem like he was still here and Ritsu wasn’t really alone with his thoughts and the piano as his only comforts. It worked for maybe five minutes until that warmth was replaced by an overwhelming, all encompassing sense of emptiness. He felt like a cracked vase that had been left in the windowsill of an abandoned house. His thoughts were the vines that reached into his solitary room, coming from outside and infiltrating his restful space.Choking his broken form until one day, he would collapse, unrecognizable and impossible to repair.   
The more he thought about those times with Rei, the more upset he got. At first it started as sadness. He missed his brother and it hurt him to the core. After a few weeks without a single call or letter, the hurt turned itself into anger. Didn’t Rei know how much Ritsu was hurting? How could he just leave him there? If anyone knew what Ritsu was like when he was down and left alone, it was Rei. Logically Ritsu was completely aware that none of this was Rei’s fault, but he couldn’t stop the bitterness that filled his heart in place of his sadness some days.

It’s not like Ritsu ever thought being a vampire would make his life easier, hell,  
before his brother and him were turned, he had never thought about vampires as anything other than fairy tale.   
He certainly never expected that his own personal shortcomings, his own self worth, his own self loathing, to be amplified so much by the change. He couldn't talk to Rei about it, for all his brother knew, Ritsu’s change in behavior was just him being a sadist and a brat as always, only more so. He would never, ever, tell his older brother, his idol, bound by a deeper bond than blood, how much he hated being alive sometimes. He couldn't ever tell him that the days that Rei stayed out late, doing who knows what, were the absolute worst for him. Ritsu knew that the tendrils of his depression were stemming from within him, but Rei would take it all on himself. Best possible outcome; Rei would lose his own personal life, devoting it to helping Ritsu stop Being This Way. Worst possible outcome; Rei would do all of that, but he would also think that somehow it was his fault. Ritsu didn’t think he would be able to stomach either of those scenarios. Instead of lying, he wasn't always sure anymore that he could keep doing so convincingly, he just didn't go to school. He didn’t even leave his room, until he didn’t even know what day it was anymore. 

 

Despite being in separate years and classes, Mao noticed every single time that Ritsu wasn’t in school. In the past when Ritsu skipped, it was because he wanted the attention of either Mao or Rei. He didn’t want to give in this time, he needed Ritsu to be a real adult for once, damnit. He had read something once that said not to let your children sleep in your bed every night because it caused issues with seperation anxiety later in life, and he thought maybe the same kind of thought could be applied to his best friend too.  
After four and a half weeks of Ritsu being missing in action without as much as a text reply, and all of his line messages still boasting an unread status, Mao’d had enough. After school and his unit rehearsal Mao walked straight to Ritsu’s house, not even stopping to drop his own things off at home first. He fished the key out of his pocket and let himself in, not bothering to announce himself, Ritsu’s parents weren't home from work yet. When he opened Ritsu’s door up without preamble, he really and truly expected him to be asleep.  
He didn’t expect him to be sitting in bed with his knees pulled in tightly to his chest, staring straight at the wall, paler than he’d ever seen him. Paler than death, even. Seeing his best friend sitting there looking like a porcelain doll, eyes looking like they were made of glass, was unnerving enough to make him pause in the door frame instead of storming in and scolding him to high heaven like he’d planned.   
After a few moments of being initially spooked by his friend’s corpse-like state, Mao finally cleared his throat and stepped into the room, which suddenly felt more like a mortuary than a bedroom. The action had zero affect on Ritsu, the far away look in his eyes was enough to tell Mao that he hadn’t even noticed that he was there yet. With a sigh he strode over to the edge of Ritsu’s bed and sat down, gently laying a hand the one that Ritsu had wrapped around his knees. At that Ritsu’s trance-like state was broken and he startled, immediately and violently withdrawing himself from Mao’s touch so fast that Mao was worried that he would get whip-lash.  
Voice small and rough from disuse he started, “M-maakun, what are you doing here?!? You really shouldn't … you shouldn't be here…” Ritsu’s voice cracked and he coughed, straining his dry throat. His distraught eyes fell to the bedspread, threatening to overflow as he whispered frantically to his best friend, still unable to meet his gaze.  
“Please leave.. Please… just go away…”   
You’re human.. You’re not safe when i’m like this… what if i hurt you...   
As much as Ritsu’s words were telling him to leave, he knew his friend way better than that. The way he leaned closer, seeming to cling to his presence without actually touching him, and the fragility of his composure told Mao that Ritsu wanted anything but that. Very slowly Mao once again placed his hands on Ritsu’s and met his eyes. Up close he looked even worse than he had from across the room. His cheeks were completely drained, Mao wasn’t sure if the other boy even had any pigment left in his body. His hands were like ice, and his eyes were almost black with how lifeless they were. There's no way he just wasn’t coming to school. This was something bigger than him wanting to gain Mao’s attention.  
“What happened, Ritchan?” Mao refused to back down, even if his best friend looked like he was in a state of consumption, and probably not strong enough to talk for more than a few minutes. Unsurprisingly, Ritsu flinched again and bit his lip so hard that Mao thought it might bleed. After a few seconds of Mao patiently waiting, unrelentingly stareing a trembling Ritsu down, he finally sighed and resigned himself to talk.   
When he met Mao’s eyes again, the hurt behind Ritsu’s stare had Mao’s heart faltering, and then breaking in two before he’d even heard what he had to say.  
“Rei is gone.” The words were small and fragile out of Ritsu’s mouth, his face completely crumbling as he hunched his shoulders, closing off his posture.   
Where that certainly was not what Mao expected to hear. Now that he thought back though, he realized that in the weeks since Ritsu had been gone, he hadn’t seen Rei even once.  
“Wait, what? Where did he go? Why…?” Mao had no idea where Rei would go, or why he would abandon his brother like this. Did he finally drop out and join a gang? Did he move out?   
“Our shitty parents sent the bastard to England, of all places. It’s about eight zillion miles away from me, so that’s where he is.” Ritsu’s voice went from venomous, to fractious, to somber before he’d even finished his sentence. Ritsu sniffled and dropped his head again, his eyes stinging from tears that just wouldn't come. “This is all my fault.”   
“How is it your fault?” Mao raised an eyebrow and brought his hand to rest on Ritsu’s shoulder, gently caressing the curve of his neck and collarbone. Ritsu relaxed ever so slightly, leaning into Mao’s touch on instinct. When he met his gaze again, his smile was forlorn.   
“Unfortunately, to answer that I would have to tell you something else. And that something else made my parents think i'm insane and send my brother to England to keep him from enabling me or some shit. Please try your call again later, beeeeeeeeeeep.” Ritsu closed his eyes, pretending to be a robot shutting down.   
Ignoring the fact that Ritsu had basically just answered most of his question, he pressed on. he figured they would have to have this conversation at some point, assuming that it’s about what he thought it was probably about.   
“Ritcchan, you can tell me anything and you know it. You know I keep telling you that you can open up if it’s me, jeez don’t you listen?” He tightened his hand ever so subtly to ground them both before continuing. “And uh. There is nothing that you can tell me that I don’t already know, probably. And even if there is, I won't think you’re crazy.” He hoped that Ritsu would actually take the bait and finally tell him what he had already figured out, that his best friend was a vampire.   
Ritsu just gave him a wry smile and turned his head. “I doubt you already know about this one.. It’s real and not one of those mental things that those books you had talked about…” he turned his gaze back to Mao, looking hesitant and resigned. “I just can’t.. I can't lose you because you don't believe me too.” or worse, you could be absolutely terrified of me…  
Mao sighed and braced himself for however his friend would react to what he was about to say.   
“If it’s about you being a vampire, I already know.” He waited a beat, watching the confusion and then realization dawn on Ritsu’s face. He decided to elaborate, as Ritsu had nothing to say and he was pretty sure that he was about to start sweating or panicking. “I’ve known since you got turned, you weren’t always this way right?.. Please don’t look at me like that, it's like you’ve seen a ghost y’know? God, how unobservant would i have to be to not notice? Jesus Ritsu, you’re eyes went from being dark, dark brown to crimson like blood overnight! And I know it isn’t contacts because I’m usually the one waking you up in the morning.”   
Ritsu was still staring at Mao, frozen on the spot, face stricken. Was he being serious? If he knew, why the hell hadn’t he just left him already? He should have run away in terror. Gotten a restraining order. He was literally a monster! The kind of thing that only showed up in stories or Fairy Tales! Instead he kept on letting Ritsu ride to school on his back, with his face dangerously close to his strongest artery. Did Mao have no sense of self preservation at all??  
He wanted to say something, anything, that didn't make him sound like an idiot, but he found that he couldn’t say anything at all either way. That was almost worse. He had so many questions for Mao, like when did he realize exactly? Why didn’t he want to talk about this sooner? Had he told anyone else about this? Had he talked about it with Rei? Did any of the other non-humans at their school know what he knew? The only reason Ritsu even knew about them was by smell, and he had never talked to them, but his brother had been pretty close with them all. He was so distracted by all of the questions that he couldn’t seem to vocalize, he didn’t realize that Mao must have asked him a question. He was looking at Ritsu with one eyebrow raised and he noticed now that his cheeks were dusted pink and that his eyes were expectant.   
He managed a broken sounding “huh?” and that's about it. He was too distressed by the fact that Mao knew and was still here, and not running away or leaving him, Not calling him a psycho or offering to find him professional help, to feel even a little embarrassed for his lack of vocabulary at present.   
“Jeeze, Ricchan pay attention...” he said with a gentle smile, teasing him. “I saaaaaaaid, when was the last time that you ate?” Mao asked softly, gently squeezing his hand and effectively entering ‘wife mode’ as Ritsu liked to call it. With how bad Ritsu looked, Mao didn’t want to scare him. The last thing he needed right now was to go too far when he was in this kind of state and send Ritsu into panic and have him reacting to him like a startled animal.   
Ritsu had to take a minute on that one. He was effectively pulled from his revelry, face going even paler as he considered the question...  
Mao watched the muscles in Ritsu’s neck contract as he swallowed heavily before answering as truthfully as he could.  
“I… I don’t actually.. Remember?” at that, Ritsu broke eye contact and looked back down at his hands. “A few days.. Maybe? How long has it been since…” He trailed off, brows furrowing. “Oh man, I really don’t know…” well that’s bad, probably…

And then Mao’s smell hit him. Fuck he smells good…

Suddenly Ritsu’s furrowed brows shot up and he immediately looked like he was in agony. He brought his hands up to cover his nose and mouth with the sleeves of his sweater and backing as far away from Mao as he could. He would not kill him today, he couldn't. He just hoped Mao would leave really, really soon. In hindsight, he wasn’t entirely sure why it took so long for him to smell Mao at all. Usually he could smell him before he even got to the front door. He guessed that his reactions both mental and physical must have been dulled by something, but at this point, all things considered, it was his guess as to which something that was. The list of possibilities was enough to make him cringe at his own mistakes.   
“Maakun should really go home…” Taking felt like he was about to start dry heaving from hunger and Mao needed to get out of there as Ritsu had nothing to distract him from how starving he was after not eating for a month, and how absolutely divine his friend smelled. Mao just fearlessly rolled his eyes and stood up, picking up the glass from the bedside table and walking towards the bathroom that adjoined Ritsu’s bedroom. He took the look in Ritsu’s eyes as a que to move away from the probably ravenous vampire now. For the first time since Ritsu was turned, Mao thought he looked dangerous, but he kept that thought off of his face as best as he could. He wasn’t frightened per-say, or so he told himself, but he understood the urgency of the situation.  
“You look like you're gonna hurl, Ricchan, I’m gonna go get you some water, okay?”  
Ritsu nodded and exhaled a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding, grateful for the distance between them. The further away Mao stood, the less likely Ritsu was to accidentally lose his composure and make the object of his affection into his first meal in a month. Only when Mao’s hand touched the door handle to the bathroom, had his head cleared and he fully realize his mistake. That door was closed for a reason.   
“MAO WAIT-!!!” He scrambled to his feet, yelling as loudly as he could manage in his dehydrated state, but it was too late. 

Mao didn't even register the sound of the glass in his hand shattering as it hit the floor. His ears were immediately filled with white noise, time stilling in his chest. Ritsu’s cries were completely lost to him. What greeted him was something out of a horror movie.The smell of iron and rot flooded his nose, and he was sure he was about to discover a corpse. The walls had blood splattered from the baseboard to the ceiling. It pooled at his feet when he took a step inside to fully take stock of the situation. Blood. Everywhere. Some of it was dried, looking like it had been sitting there for at least a day. More of it was still wet. Fresh. On the counter he was horrified to find at least two old-fashioned shaving razors and more than a few empty pill bottles and used up plastic syringes strewn about haphazardly. It was those that gave away just exactly what Ritsu had tried to do. His unresponsiveness must have been partially due to the sheer amount of substances in his body. He hadn't killed anyone here, because the person he was trying to kill was already dead.   
The ground rushed to kiss his knees and he braced himself on the doorframe to keep from falling face first into the gore before him, and a soft pressure met his waist and held him up. After a few moments, when the room came back into focus, he recognized that pressure to be Ritsu’s arms around him. The warmth in the middle of his back was where Ritsu’s head was buried while he choked down tears and staining Mao’s shirt, trying to force the words out of his mouth.  
“I’m sorry Mao, I’m so sorry. You were never supposed to see this, you were supposed to stay bright. I’m so sorry. Maakun..please.. Please don’t leave me, I’m sorry… I was being selfish, so selfish, I’m a selfish, stupid monster.. Please.. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...”  
The words were repeated again and again for what felt like hours, but was probably only about ten minutes, before Mao finally started to gain feeling in his nerves again, numbness subsiding. He let Ritsu support him for long enough for the room to stop spinning so that he could sit up, and immediately ran to the toilet to vomit. The blood on the floor stained his knees, but he didn't notice or care for the moment. Everything was too much.   
Ritsu waited, rooted to the spot in the door frame, while Mao collected himself. When he finally turned to face Ritsu, his face was stricken.   
“I need… some air.” Mao finally whispered, voice hoarse, as he staggered on shaking legs out of the bathroom, past Ritsu who still sat trembling on the floor looking as ill as Mao felt, and into the hallway. He made it out the door and collapsed on himself on the front step, breathing in the fresh air like it was the last he’d ever see. He put his head between his knees and breathed until he no longer felt Ritsu-shaped panic attack that had been threatening to overtake him, body and mind. It took him nearly twenty minutes until he was able compose himself and he was back to functioning order. He immediately began going over every conversation that he had ever had with Ritsu. He had known about his friend’s mental health problems for a few years now, even though Ritsu would never admit to having them outright. He had noticed how ever since the Change, Ritsu had declined in health both physically and mentally. He hadn't realized that Ritsu was in enough pain that he wanted to kill himself. He cursed himself both internally and under his breath for being such an idiot. He shouldn’t have let Ritsu have more than a week to get back to without intervening so he wasn’t completely alone with his thoughts. He knew for a fact that Mr and Mrs Sakuma probably didn’t even know or care that their son had missed a month of school, though they would deny it later. Even if he had just tried to come over more often, he could have done more. He could have told his unit “no,” for once… He should have made Ritsu talk to him.  
At some point his sense kicked in and he was able to reason that if Ritsu had wanted him there, he would have called him. He tried to tell himself that no matter how true it felt, this was not his own fault. He had once called him almost every day for three weeks to beg him to come pet him and feed him snacks just because he knew Mao would go along with it, it’s not like he was subtle when he wanted him around. Then again, the fact that Ritsu was missing from school and not answering his phone for a month should have been Mao’s top priority. Telling himself that he wasn't at fault felt like a lie to say the least, even internally, but he needed to keep chanting that this wasn’t his doing to himself if he wanted to get through today.  
Didn’t Ritsu know that Mao would always be there for him when he needed him? Didn’t he realize how Mao felt? He felt his heart breaking as he realized that, no, he probably had no idea. They had never talked about it, really, and honestly Mao for a while wasn’t even sure that his feelings were anything more than just friendship. He knew that whether it was a friendship thing, or a … more than that thing… Ritsu was his everything.   
His hands trembled as he took his phone out of his pocket. He had to start damage control before Ritsu’s condition got any worse and there was only one person who would be able to deliver what he needed the most right now, sustenance. Mao was suddenly grateful that Wataru owed him a favor for keeping secrets for him.  
The phone rang only once before Wataru answered.  
“YES, yes? Isara! Mao! What can I do for you on this GLORIOUS OF GLORIOUS DAYS! Yes! It is quite Amazi-!” Mao cut him off before he could continue, he so didn’t have time to deal with this today. The oddballs had been so much more of a headache lately, and Mao had no idea why they decided that now was the time to make so much noise.   
“Wataru-senpai please stop that, I have a favor to ask. I need to collect on that favor you promised. Immediately.” Thankfully, Wataru seemed to sober slightly from his usual carefree mood, picking up on Mao’s distress. His voice was serious and unwavering when he replied.   
“What do you need?”   
Anyone else in the world would have been concerned or needed time to process when Mao said “Blood. Lot’s of it. As soon as possible…” But that’s why he’d called Wataru after all. With Rei gone, he was the only one who Mao was sure would understand a request like that so suddenly, after all the faerie had his own horrors to hide.   
“Give me two hours.” Wataru ended the call before Mao could even give him an address.   
Slipping his phone back into his pocket, Mao lounged on the steps, letting his head rest against the wall of the house. His hair had fallen out of it’s clip somewhere between puking his guts out in Ritsu’s bathroom and having a panic attack on the front steps, and Mao realized that he missed the comfort and familiarity of having his hair pulled back, but he wasn’t prepared enough to go back inside to find it and face Ritsu quite yet.   
He thought for a moment before pulling his phone back out and dialing up the closest pizza place to them that delivered and ordering two large pizza’s with extra sauce and about twelve sides of extra tomato sauce on the side before relaxing back into his lounging position. Ritsu and him will both need to eat and he had a feeling that he would be missing school again tomorrow too. Thankfully after that it would be the weekend and hopefully Mao would be able to get him back on his feet again by Monday morning.   
With a sigh Mao got to his feet and stretched his shoulders out. He might as well go and try to clean up some of Ritsu’s mess while he waited. He had zero desire to walk back into that bathroom, but if he needed to for any reason later or if god forbid Ritsu’s parent’s come home, he wanted it to be at least clean. He wouldn’t be able to ever get the sight out of his memory, it was burned in, but at least bleach would take care of everything else.   
He walked back into the house and retrieved a garbage bag, rubber gloves and a new unopened bottle of bleach from below the kitchen sink and then wordlessly walked back into Ritsu’s room. The boy was laying in bed again, this time curled up in the fetal position with tears staining his cheeks. Mao didn’t stop to talk to him, he wasn’t ready for that quite yet. Ritsu didn’t push him to talk either, but he kept his eyes trained on him the entire time that he worked. He brought everything into the bathroom, glancing around clinically to gauge what should be done first, and set to work picking up the debris that was strewn everywhere and putting them directly into the trash bag. When he started scrubbing the walls and floors with straight bleach, he realised that it was almost relaxing. As the blood was methodically cleaned off of everything, it felt like the things he had felt when he had seen it the first time were being washed away too. For a moment he thought that he might be almost enjoying this, until he realized that he was probably just losing his mind, unhelped by inhaling chemical fumes.Thankfully Ritsu’s bathroom was relatively small and it only took him about an hour and a half to scrub everything out. He paused his work twice, once to go open both of the windows near Ritsu’s bed. By then it was dark, so the windows being open shouldn’t be an issue. The second time was to open the door for the pizza delivery person. After he had paid them and sat the pizza on Ritsu’s bed, he went back to finish the last of it. Manual labor had always been his favorite way of working through stress, and he was relieved to see that after a solid hour and a half when the job was finished, he felt like a weight had been lifted.   
He packed everything up and put the cleaning supplies away. After properly disposing of the trash bag of horrors, Mao gingerly sat back on the front steps to soak in some fresh air after being locked in with harsh fumes for an hour and a half.

As he closed his eyes and waited for Wataru to show up, he thought that this was probably the worst thing that had happened to him in...well, ever.. He also realized that, all things considered, it probably was not the worst thing Ritsu had experienced. Ever since Ritsu was turned, Mao noticed little things that changed too.   
For one, Ritsu used to love to be touched. Casual skinship used to be his favorite thing ever. But now? Sometimes even wrapping his arms around Ritsu’s shoulders was enough to make him tense and lean away. He’d mentioned to Anzu that he hated casual skinship unless he was the one to initiate contact recently, but Mao was positive that he never used to be like that at all. He didn’t want to think about what had happened when Ritsu was changed to make him pull a 180 like that. He shuddered just thinking about possible scenarios for that one. He still didn't even know what had happened. He probably wasn’t ever planning on even telling Mao that he was a real and not fake, like people at school always joked, vampire. Mao was lost in somber thought, wondering what Ritsu had been thinking this whole month, when Wataru coming up the walk elegantly dragging a fishing cooler behind him broke him from his thoughts.   
“How did you know where I was?” Mao stood up and dusted himself off, grimacing when he remembered his blood stained knees.  
“Child, all things considered there was no other place you could be. Rei’s little brother hasn’t been in school since he was sent to England, despite not having been withdrawn from the school officially. He is also … like Rei, and even myself in some cases, which is PROBABLY why you called me.” Wataru’s smile was bright but his eyes were somber. He looked down at Mao then directly in the direction of Ritsu’s room and crinkled his nose in disgust.   
“I rarely suggest keeping information from those that I consider to be my best friends due to their natures and… reactive temperaments, but Rei would blame himself for everything his brother has ‘done’ and therefore I absolutely forbid you from mentioning this to him.”  
The look on Wataru’s face was inhuman. Mao found that he was more afraid in that moment, looking this ridiculously bizarre, blue-haired Faerie in the face, then he did sitting next to a boy who could drain him dry in seconds an hour ago. He found himself gulping slightly as the cold sweat beaded on the back of his neck.   
“Honestly, I don’t know Sakuma-san very well anyway. I wouldn’t be able to tell him something like this… if he wants to tell him, Ritsu will. Actually, scratch that he won't say anything either. He didn’t even want me to know… he just wanted to be…” Dead. Gone.  
Mao’s voice caught in his throat and he suddenly found it hard to breathe, again. A few tears managed to slip down his cheeks before Wataru pulled him into a hug. As unexpected and bizarre the feeling was, he was grateful. They stayed like that for a few moments while Mao recollected himself. As he pulled away sniffling, he reached up to wipe the tears away with the back of his hand and laughed hollowly.   
“Ha, so much for” sniffle “staying out of unnecessary trouble… Thank you by the way, I didn’t expect to use that favor for this, but I’m glad I was able to.” he gave a wry smile and tried his best to not look as emotionally decimated as he felt after the events of the day. Wataru’s expression met his as he waved his hand between them.  
“Nonsense, this was a favor to one of my closest friends. I won't count this one this time. Besides, Rei would come back and find some way to murder me if I let his brother die. Hmm perhaps a dagger made of pure silver? Delightful! Oh yes, not to mention that it would be dreadfully irritating for me if he murdered you. Very messy, you see. Yes! And entirely frustrating seeing as Keito intends for you to be on the Student Council next year alongside us. To be quite frank, I am wholly surprised that you decided to call me first, instead of insisting that he drink from you. That would have been deadly given the state of things, but you don’t seem to be very much into self preservation. Ah yes, but now I guess you and Eichi finally have something in common!” Wataru’s expression grew soft and his eyes glittered at the thought of Tenshouin Eichi.  
Mao didn’t like the new student council president at all, and honestly he was pretty concerned that Wataru was comparing the two of them. He also failed to see how this situation could possibly warrant such a comparison to begin with.  
“Uh, Wataru-Senpai, if you wouldn’t mind both explaining and never making that comparison again, I would greatly appreciate it. His discomfort was palpable but Wataru just laughed again as his eyes took on a mischievous glint. He leaned in, bringing a hand up to whisper in Mao’s ear.  
“You're the same, Isara-kun, because you are both in love with monsters.” The way he said it was both impish and almost conspiratory. Mao’s face heated up immediately as he tried to stutter out a response.   
“W-what! I never said-!” His words were lost as his face became even hotter under Wataru’s knowing gaze.  
“How did you even know….” He whispered loudly, hoping desperately that Ritsu wasn’t listening to this whole conversation with his annoyingly good hearing.   
“It’s extremely obvious. Especially to someone who can hear your heart rate increase every time he so much as touches your shoulder. Even if I wasn’t ‘special’ though, honestly you treat that boy like he is your husband. I’m surprised he hasn’t formally asked you to be his wife yet, though i'm sure he has suggested it more than once.” His tone said that he knew for a fact that Ritsu had indeed, on many occasions, referred to Mao as his wife, or commented that a role like that would suit him. That did absolutely nothing to quell the embarrassment flooding through him, or to calm the warm blood that bubbled in his cheeks. He suddenly felt incredibly warm inside, despite the slight chill in the spring air and the clammy quality his skin still retained.. Mao smiled abashedly and looked down at his shoes. Ugh, he was in too deep. ‘This is so troublesome!This is all too much!’ he thought to himself for not the first time that day.   
Wataru cleared his throat and leaned down to regain eye contact. Mao met his gaze with questioning eyes.   
“With all things, particularly recent ones, considered, I think it would be prudent to talk to him about how you feel. It may put things into perspective for him a bit if he knows the feelings are mutual.” they are what now!?!  
“Wait what? How do you know that? There's no way…” Mao’s eyes were as big as saucers, face red as ever.   
“You sweet child, please. This delicate creature can not handle such innocence, I will die, silver dagger be damned. There is no question about how he feels about you, his emotions are as palpable as yours on any given day. Honestly the fact that you two haven’t talked about this before now, as I am suggesting you do immediately, is both baffling and would be distressing if i actually cared about such things.” His smile said ‘I do care, you stupid children’ and he ruffled Mao’s hair affectionately. “Now, I really must leave this package in your care. Little Sakuma-san doesn’t particularly care for me and the less of me he smells surrounding you when you go back in, the better.” With that he hands the handle of the cooler over to Mao and takes a step back. “Please do your best to help him get through this.”  
Mao bowed his head and sniffled again, tears threatening for the millionth time. “Thank you for all of your help Wataru-Senpai. I wouldn’t be able to get through this without you.” By the time he raised his head again, Wataru was already gone. He looked down at the giant cooler by his feet and sighed as he pulled it into the house. Honestly it was lot heavier than it looked and Mao struggled to get it into the house, despite it being on wheels. Basketball did not prepare him for this! Thankfully he didn’t have that far to lug it across the house, Ritsu’s bedroom wasn’t that far. He shoved it in and shut the door behind him.   
Ritsu was still curled up in the fetal position in his bed, a nest of blankets wrapped around his scrunched up body. He looked up when he hears the door click shut and quickly moved to rub the tears that have not seemed to stop at all from his puffy red cheeks.   
“Maakun.. I-I thought that you left…I’m sorry you had to clean all of that by yourself...” He sniffled again and curled in on himself more, wide eyes locked on Mao’s. Mao moved to bring the cooler to the wall near the window and quickly retrieved three bags of blood from inside. Opening it, he could see why it was so heavy. It was stacked from bottom to top with blood bags, in varying types. He fished out three at random and tossed them onto the bed, near Ritsu’s face.   
Ritsu’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he was tearing into them, relief flooding his features the second the blood touched his tongue. Mao watched him drain all three at record speed and then decided to put about five more in front of him for good measure. By the third bag, he started slowing down. Mao sat on the bed next to him and pulled a pizza box over, noting that Ritsu had already eaten one slice and most of the marinara containers were empty. Good. He ate while he watched the color returning to Ritsu’s cheeks and his eyes go from the black-flint that they had come to resemble, to the crimson that Mao had become accustom to.   
By the time Mao finished his first slice of pizza, Ritsu was finishing the last of his blood bags. Ritsu finished the last one and leaned back against his headboard, eyes closed and breathing through his nose. Mao figured that it was probably safe to pull Ritsu into his arms while he kept eating, and Ritsu immediately snuggled himself into his embrace.   
“Feel any better?” Mao asked around a mouthful of food. He could feel Ritsu nodding against his shoulder. “Mmmmn… you smell like that faerie… is that where you got all of this?” Ritsu’s nose wrinkled a little bit at the smell, but he didn’t move to escape from Mao’s arms.   
“Yeah, he uh, owed me a favor. “ Mao shrugged like it wasn’t as big of a deal as it actually was.   
“Ugh gross...How did you even know about him? I only know because I can smell him. His blood smells like dead roses.” Ritsu frowned and grabbed a piece of the Pizza to nibble on.   
Mao laughed nervously and squeezed Ritsu closer to him, “I actually met him at the hospital before I started here this year when my sister was sick. I found him near the mortuary a few times while wondering around and then once he was shoving blood bags into his backpack. You know, I’m pretty sure that he’s the reason why Tenshouin is so sick all of the time. Like he’s draining him a little bit at a time… just a theory though.” The more Mao thought about it, the more sense that theory made. The fact that Eichi was still alive probably was only due to that sparkle that he’d noticed earlier when Wataru mentioned his name.   
“Well anyway, when I came to school at the beginning of the year he cornered me and asked if I’d told anyone and asked me not to say anything. He said he could ‘smell the potential’ on me or something, and anyway he would owe me a favor. I wasn’t gonna mention it anyway, it was kinda terrifying, so I agreed… plus Hokuto knows him from drama club.” Mao shrugged again and took another bite of his pizza.   
Ritsu leaned away so that he could look at the other boy more clearly.   
“I don't like Maakun hanging out with such weird people… what if he had decided to kill you, huh? Then I would have had to kill my brother’s friend and I don't think he would taste too good.” He pouted at Mao, who blushed and looked away. Ritsu noticed that Mao had pizza sauce on the bottom corner of his mouth and the desire to lick it off of him was almost impossible to ignore. Instead he settled on wiping it off with his thumb.   
Mao froze, heart nearly stopping in his chest, as he felt the tips of Ritsu’s fingers caress his cheek while he wiped up the stray sauce. His gaze met Ritsu’s again just as he was bringing that same thumb back to his own lips and sucking the sauce off of them.  
Ritchan you can’t just do things like that, I’ll die, dying on his tongue before he could open his mouth.   
Was he trying to give Mao a heart attack by being hot? That didn’t exactly feel fair… their gazes held for another moment before Mao cleared his throat and focused on the last piece of pizza in the box. He’d eaten more than he thought, but he would need to be well fed if he was going to go through with what he knew he needed to do. Wataru had been right when he had guessed that Mao would let Ritsu drink from him, himself.   
“Anyway Ritcchan, it’s a good thing I had him to call today. I don’t exactly think Pizza sauce would have held you over without it. And… I’ll feel better about letting you drink from me if I know we have both already eaten.” He looks back up at Ritsu, whose eyes have darkened considerably, giving him a weak smile.  
“Maakun… that isn’t really necessary…” He knows it will make him feel so much better, drinking fresh, live blood is always much better than bagged blood. He is not in anyway prepared to use Mao like that though. It feels like he wants to use him like a protein shake. “You don’t need to feel like that’s something you have to do for me… plus it’s way different to feed on someone to kill them and drinking from them to… well not kill them.” It’s actually a pretty erotic experience according to Rei. He hoped Mao couldn’t see where his pants were already tightening at the thought of drinking from him. He knew what Mao’s blood tasted like, he had jokingly licked the blood out of a papercut a few times, but that was only to see what he would do. It tasted perfect that time, he could only imagine what it would be like now, covering his tongue.   
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to Ritsu.” Mao’s face was suddenly very serious and Ritsu was almost startled by it. Sensing that Ritsu needed some clarification, Mao continued, “I need you to know that I trust you even if I know what you are, and that I care about you, still. I know you could kill me, but I also know you won't. You don’t have to do any of this alone Ritcchan.” His tone was soft and his eyes were insistent. Ritsu realized that this was Mao’s way of telling him that he trusted him completely, that he cared about him so deeply that he would be willing to share the same vitality. His head swam and the warmth in his stomach spread all the way down to his toes. Tears made his eyes sting, but he refused to let them fall.   
“Maakun… I want to… I would love to drink from you, but there’s no way I’m gonna let you do this without understanding the repercussions…” Thankfully Mao seemed attentive, and not like he was intending on brushing this off as Ritsu just whining about something. That was important. Ritsu cleared his throat twice before he kept talking. “See, if you let me drink from you it’s probably gonna make things different between us. When vampires drink from humans without the intent to kill, it's always … a little heated..” Just like Ritsu’s face and neck apparently. “Most people use it as a sex thing, honestly. It makes both parties want to….yeah.. So uh, I doubt you want that but, that’s about it.” Mao’s face was a red as his, but he didn’t pull away and he didn’t seem distressed or disgusted by the idea. “I would honestly prefer if you took some time to think this through before we do something that we can’t undo, you know? If you think about it for a while and you still want to, then okay. I don’t want you to be weirded out because we’re both guys or something...”   
Ritsu’s eyes stayed locked onto Mao’s while they both had the same realization that Ritsu just essentially said that he wanted to have sex with Mao in addition to drinking is blood. Ritsu tried really hard not to think about it, there was no taking it back now. Mao just nodded and hoped that Ritsu couldn’t tell how much that idea turned him on, that would be way too embarrassing.   
Mao blushed and looked down at his hands, fidgeting with a loose thread on Ritsu’s blanket. I guess we’re having this conversation now…  
“Ricchan, I don’t really need time for this. Even if we’re both guys, it’s just you. So it’s okay.” He refused to look up at Ritsu for this, his heart couldn’t take it.   
“Maakun… it wouldn’t be fair of me to take advantage of you like that, since I want you… I might say something that I regret. I want it, but probably too much. That isn’t fair.” Ritsu’s heart hurt to even say it, but he didn’t know if he would get another chance to tell him all of this without chickening out.   
Mao looked up at him then, eyebrows disappearing behind his loose bangs. “Ritchan, you you really think I would tell you that this kind of thing was okay if I didn’t… if I hadn’t thought about it before? I care about you so much, somewhere along the way I guess I realized that I liked you too… I promise that you wouldn’t be taking advantage of me.” He almost laughed, he couldn’t believe where this conversation was heading… that Wataru was actually right about this.   
Ritsu just sat there, mouth open and looking dumbfounded. He barely managed “But… You’re straight…?” before his voice just decided that it was done for now.   
Mao rolled his eyes, realizing that Ritsu wasn’t going to get it unless he did something himself. He moved the empty bags and pizza box to the floor next to the bed and turned to straddle Ritsu’s hips, fighting down a blush and draping his arms over his shoulders.   
“I thought so too, and I’m not completely convinced that I’m not at least mostly straight… but the only person I’ve ever wanted is you, so I guess it’s kind of a moot point? I just want this...” He pressed their foreheads together and brought his fingers up to gently trail over Ritsu’s slightly parted lips. He had thought about them so many times, and now here they were. Pink under his fingertips and just as soft as they looked, if not a little chapped from dehydration. Ritsu’s eyes slipped closed as he leaned into Mao’s touch, softly kissing his fingers.   
“Maakun… I love your hands, please keep proving to me that you aren't straight. Actually I might need proof that I didn’t fall asleep when you left. How do I know I’m not dreaming? How do I know that maakun hasn’t been thinking of me as a girl this whole time?” Mao shifted so that his own lips could ghost over Ritsu’s without kissing him, yet.   
“How do you suggest I do that?” His breath tickled Ritsu’s lips and he moved so that one hand rested on Ritsu’s shoulder and the other tangled in his hair, tugging ever so lightly.   
The noise that came out of Ritsu’s mouth was not words, but instead a strangled moan. Mao took that as his cue, and leaned in ever so slightly to finally press his lips to Ritsu’s. The kiss was gentle and soft and Ritsu held onto Mao’s lips like his life depended on it. His disappointment when Mao pulled away quickly dissolved as their lips touched, again and again. The hand that Mao had tangled in Ritsu’s hair tightened and he used the moan that Ritsu breathed into him as an opportunity to slip his tongue past his lips. His tongue was met enthusiastically with Ritsu’s and it was his turn to moan as the slide of their tongues together went straight to his pants. The kiss was messy and their teeth clacked together a few times, both taking their time to learn how to kiss each other. Mao would have been embarrassed by how much he was enjoying their mess of a kiss if he couldn’t feel Ritsu’s own hardening erection under him as he sat straddling his lap.   
Ritsu felt like his nerves were on fire. He couldn’t remember feeling this many positive emotions all at once ever, but that must have been a byproduct of finally having Mao, his sunshine and light, the boy he cared so much about, letting him kiss him like it was the only thing he needed to survive. He pulled Mao closer by the hips and deepened their kiss until he couldn’t tell where his skin stopped and his own began. Mao’s hands moved to the hem of his shirt and slipped under to caress the skin at his waist.   
Feeling Mao’s hands on his skin, finally after years of waiting, made him feel hungrier than his bloodlust ever had. He quickly lifted his own shirt off and over his head and threw it off of the bed before recapturing Mao’s lips in his own. Mao’s were just as hungry as Ritsu’s as he unzipped his hoodie and pushed it off while Ritsu fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. After a few minutes of struggling, Ritsu growled and yanked it open, popping the remaining buttons off completely. He ground his hips up into Mao and moved his lips straight to his neck, kissing the skin there until it looked red enough to bruise. The thud of his pulse filled Ritsu’s senses and he was again thankful that he had actually eaten before this. Mao keened and leaned into the mouth hot on his neck, entangling his fingers in Ritsu’s hair and grinding himself down onto his half hard cock to meet him halfway.  
Ritsu’s tongue dragged down hot skin until he reached one of Mao’s nipples, taking it between his teeth without hesitation.   
“R-Rit-nng!” Mao’s voice was breathy and strangled as he leaned up on his knees to give Ritsu better access to his chest. The sound had Ritsu grinding up into Mao harder and pulling him closer. When the nipple between his teeth started was pliant enough, he moved to the other and held Mao close by the hips. He reveled in the sounds that Mao was making, they were absolutely incredible. Ritsu decided that now that he had heard the way that Mao’s breath sounded when he was aroused, he refused to go more than a few hours without it ever again.   
He finally couldn’t take it anymore and after Mao’s nipples were equally as abused, he pulled Mao’s legs tighter around his own hips and leaned forward until they tumbled back so that Mao’s back was flat against the bed. Ritsu pressed his lips to Mao’s collar bone and trailed his hands up and down his torso possessively.   
“Maakun, let me take care of you… please..” he punctuated it by kissing the curve of Mao’s neck and pressing a thumb firmly into his hip bone, holding him down. Mao nodded and leaned his head to the side to give Ritsu better access to the skin there.  
“R-ritchan please…” His voice was still a breathy whisper, and every word went straight to Ritsu’s cock. “Ritchan, make me yours… let me be everything you need… let me be the only thing you need..” His hands were in Ritsu’s hair, tugging in all the right ways. That mixed with what he just said had Ritsu’s brain short circuiting and he found himself grinding down into Mao and his teeth bared against his neck. He struggled to wrench himself away so that he wouldn’t bite down, not yet.   
“Maakun that's not faiiiiir, you're making me want to bite you noow! I was gonna wait until I was inside you for that…” He huffed against Mao’s exposed chest, kissing the skin there as he did. The groan that he got from Mao was all Ritsu needed to know that he was just as aroused by the idea as he was.   
Leaning up slightly to take Ritsu’s lips between his teeth and grip his hair at the base of his neck gently, just enough to tingle.  
“Then you’d better hurry up and get inside me, Ritchan. You said you wanted to make me your wife didn’t you? So, do it.”   
Fuck!  
Mao had zero idea what was possessing him to say such lewd things, he knew he was talking like someone from one of his naughty manga, like someone who knew what they were doing. He was incredibly embarrassed, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop when he saw how much it affected the boy above him.  
Ritsu felt his entire torso blush when Mao latched himself onto Ritsu’s neck, sucking on the skin there like he was the vampire instead. Ritsu’s hands busied themselves by undoing Mao’s belt and pulling his pants and underwear down together past his hips as fast as he could manage. Mao palmed Ritsu through his sweatpants until he was ready to pull them off. When they were both completely naked, Mao pulled away to look at the boy in front of him. They took only a moment to take each other in, both obviously nervous, before Ritsu pulled Mao back to his lips. This kiss was gentler, full of reassurance and he hoped it would be enough to let Mao know just how much all of this meant.   
He pulled away just enough to kiss Mao’s nose before he sat up and leaned off of the bed to get to the drawer in his bedside table. He grabbed the bottle that sat there but then hesitated with the drawer still opened. He looked back at Mao and set the bottle down on the bed. “I’m clean… but if you still want to use condoms then that’s totally fine… it’s up to you though.” He bit his lip, hoping that the idea of condoms wouldn’t make Mao realize who he’s about to sleep with, or about the fact that he was about to have a cock inside of him in general, and reconsider.   
Mao’s eyes turned lustful and he grabbed Ritsu’s hand,forcefully pulling him back to him and kissing him hard. “Unnecessary, I want all of you inside me tonight. I need all of you the first time.” Mao’s dirty talk had Ritsu thanking god for blessing him with this boy. He looked so innocent, but here he was telling Ritsu that he wanted him cumming inside him and insinuating that it would not be the only time they did this.   
Ritsu wasted no time in squeezing out a generous amount of lube into his hand. He loomed over Mao and slipped his tongue back into his mouth as he reached between his thighs and made sure that his hole was slick before pressing a finger in and working it slowly in and out. He felt as Mao tensed under him at the new sensation and he moved his lips to the shell of his ear instead. “That’s it maakun, just relax. It’s just me, I’ll take care of you.” He whispered words of encouragement into his ear, breath ghosting over the skin of his ear until he felt Mao relax around his finger. He slid it all the way to the last knuckle a few times before adding a second finger. “That’s it Maakun, just like that. You’re doing so wonderfully darling, you're being such a perfect wife… all that dirty talk is making your husband want to fuck you till you scream...” He heard Mao whimper under him, taking note that he was enjoying all of this just as much as he was. Ritsu shifted so that he could massage all of the best parts inside of him until he was panting and rolling his hips to meet the thrust of Ritsu’s fingers.   
“Ritchan please… I need more, hurry uuup.” He looked absolutely wrecked already, his breath shifting between low and sultry back to those breathy sighs again and Ritsu hadn’t even gotten his dick inside him yet. Ritsu swallowed heavily, sweat beading at his brow.  
“Fuck… just a little bit more, you’re doing so well. Just a little more, I have to make sure you’re ready..” He wanted nothing more than to shove in right now, but he wouldn’t do anything that would hurt Mao. Instead he added a third finger the second he felt Mao was ready and scissored inside of him, massaging the place that he knew would drive Mao crazy. It worked, Mao was immediately putty under his hands, back arching off the bed. “R-Ritc-chan p-please I-im gonna cum before you even-!” Ritsu pulled his fingers out abruptly, getting the message.   
“God Maakun, you’re opening up for me so easily, you’re so beautiful, I’m so tempted to just let you get off on my fingers, but I’m way too impatient for that.. fuck, come here.” He grabbed a pillow from the bed and slid it under Mao’s hips before lining himself up. Looking up into Mao’s blissed out eyes, he hesitated.  
“Are you sure about this? This is the last chance to say no…” Ritsu was still worried that he would wake up soon and find out that this was all a dream. He would probably spontaneously combust, honestly.   
“Sakuma Ritsu, if you don’t get inside me right now I’m going to be so mad. Don’t be troublesome in bed, just be a good boy and fuck me!” Mao didn’t intend for his blissed out babbling to be so demanding, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it despite how embarrassed he was to have said anything so vulgar. It was completely worth it to hear the growl that escaped Ritsu’s lips as he poured lube on his cock, thoroughly coating it before he leaned forward and pushed himself inside the heat of Mao’s body.  
Honestly Mao had been terrified that it would hurt to have Ritsu’s cock inside him. That didn’t stop him from encouraging it, and now that it was there he was glad that Ritsu had spent so much time preparing him despite his earlier complaints. The stretch was too much. It was incredible. He felt his muscles tense as Ritsu slowly slid all the way in, breathing hard the whole time. “Maakun are you okay? You’re doing so well, you feel so fucking good… Fuck, You’re so tight, If it’s too much just tell me and I’ll stop..” Mao nodded and mumbled “Don't you dare stop, just. Give me a second okay?” He tried to keep his breathing even, his whole body was screaming that this was wrong. It hurt and the stretch was too much, and all that did was make Mao’s dick harder. After a few minutes he finally was able to relax slightly around Ritsu’s gently rocking cock. He exhaled the breath he had been subconsciously holding.   
“A-ah okay.. That feels...really nice Ritchan..” He completely relaxed around the other boy, letting him slide in and out of him easily. Feeling him relax was Ritsu’s cue to pick up the pace slightly, sliding in all the way to the hilt. He laced their fingers together and kissed Mao softly as he continued to rock into him, the squeeze and heat of Mao’s body feeling perfect around him.   
“Maakun, you’re so perfect… you feel so perfect, you’re doing so good taking my whole cock, I’ve wanted you for so long…” He was worried that he might start crying, instead he pulled Mao flush against him and hiked a leg over his shoulder to get to that angle that would let him slide in even deeper and hit that spot inside of him that would set him off. He knew he’d hit it because he could feel Mao tense around him and his moans turned into broken cries in his ears.   
“Y-yes Ritsu right there! Fuck fuck FUCK!” he squeezed Ritsu’s hand so hard that his knuckles turned white, but Ritsu didn’t really care. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Mao’s neck and baring his teeth against his skin again. “Maakun, I’m gonna make you feel so good,” he mumbled as he kissed his neck and kept hitting that spot inside him again and again.   
“R-ritchan..ah! Just… Just make me yours…” Mao’s low, pleading voice, made it impossible for him to resist sinking his teeth into the flesh at his shoulder. Blood flooded his mouth and Ritsu and Mao both groaned in pleasure at the same time. He felt Mao contract around him and heard his moans in his ear as he came hot and heavy between them. Ritsu was instantly overwhelmed with the sensation of live blood in his system. He felt like his senses were finally cleared, better than they had been before he poisoned himself. His strength increased instantly, and so did his thrusts into Mao. Mao had gone all but limp under him and Ritsu knew he needed to stop. He wrenched his mouth from Mao’s skin and gasped for air. He definitely took too much, but not enough to kill him for sure. He looked down at Mao who looked a little pale but overall just blissed out. A few more hard thrusts, his hands tightening on Mao’s hips until they bruised, and staring at Mao’s post-orgasm face and Ritsu was coming hard and deep inside him.   
They stayed like that for a few minutes, with Ritsu still inside him whispering apologies for drinking so much while they both tried to catch their breath and Mao teetering on the edge of consciousness, the picture of pure bliss. When Ritsu eventually pulled out, he pulled Mao into his arms and brought them both under his blanket nest. He pressed his lips to Mao’s temple who wrapped his arms around ritsu’s middle as best as he could while his limbs felt like jelly. Against his chest Mao whispered something so soft that Ritsu was sure it was just his imagination.”  
“Hmm? Did you say something?” He brought his hands up to smooth Mao’s hair away from his face and kiss his cheeks. Mao smiled at him softly, green eyes sleepy and content...  
“Mm mlove you ritchan…” His mumbling was almost lost for the second time, but Ritsu heard it. He pulled Mao closer to bury his head in Mao’s red hair and felt the tears that had been threatening to spill since Mao had told him that he wanted him, finally drench his cheeks.   
“I love you too, Maakun.. God I love you so much…” Mao was already asleep, but that didn’t stop Ritsu from petting him and kissing his forehead through his tears, over and over.  
He knew that their talk wasn’t over. He had a lot of explaining to do and groveling for forgiveness for a whole list of things. The mess that Mao found in the bathroom was at the top of the list. He had been delirious with hunger but too depressed to do anything about it, and too scared of hurting someone to make any kind of effort anyway. That didn’t forgive the fact that if he had succeeded, Mao would have been the one who found his corpse on the bathroom floor that day. Mao didn’t deserve that… Mao didn’t deserve any of that. Mao deserved to be loved and he deserved to have a ...a friend? A boyfriend? Ritsu wasn’t even positive that Mao would still want this in the morning. He deserved for Ritsu to trust him. Mao had quite literally trusted him with his life not only that night, but every time they were together since he was turned.  
Mao knew he was a vampire… Mao knew that he was in love with him, and the feelings were mutual… Mao accepted everything that had happened and he was still there to hold his hand. Ritsu smiled as the warmth that radiated from the soul of the boy in his arms infiltrated his senses. For the first time in months he didn’t feel scared, he didn’t feel numb. He drifted to sleep as he slipped into a little paradise of hope in his mind, completely blaming this little light budding in his chest on Mao. Maybe, just maybe… things would get better.

**Author's Note:**

> I finally got around to actually posting something here, shocking I know. What isn't shocking is that the first think I am posting is Mao/ Ritsu because I am predicable. I wanted to get this posted before the event ended because I'm suffering and also Mao is there? I'm dying. But anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this little fic that I put together! I've been working on it for a few weeks and it's been fighting me, but I'm finally done looking at it. I did some basic editing, sorry if there are any mistakes! Let me know what you guys think!


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